Monday, February 17, 2014

When the PMS Monster Attacks

Some days just start off wrong. You wake up as Ms. Hyde while Dr. Jekyll stays peacefully and unconsciously snoozing. You roll over and stare out the window hoping the sky will be gray and vomiting sleet at you. Because sunshine would be obnoxious.

Yesterday was one of those days. But as I lay in bed (at 11am) under my covers in a fetal position, I decided to do the grown-up thing. I'd use my words and write my feelings down. So I pulled out my phone and began to channel my grumpiness through my thumbs.

Because some days you just need a Pissy PMS Poem.

My Pissy PMS Poem

Some days you wake up hating the world...

Some days you tell your boyfriend to leave you alone, but then call him a jerk for ignoring you.

Some days making eye contact with another human being feels like a great achievement.

Some days you feel left out but you don't want to join in.

Some days you wish this was acceptable behavior for adults:

Some days you understand why God flooded the earth.

Some days you wonder why God saved Noah.

Some days looking at your Facebook feed feels like reading 101 reasons why you suck at life.

Some days the sound of laughter makes you want to hurt someone.

Some days you wonder how there can be so much peace in the world since this is the fifth person you've wanted to hurt all morning.

Some days you look up flights to Australia.

Some days your bladder hurts because you won't get out of bed to pee.

Some days you know you are spoiled and ungrateful because you are grumpy - which makes you even grumpier.

Some days you cuddle with your old stuffed animal because it's the only thing that understands you.

Some days you sacrilegiously sing "Were you there when they crucified my Lord" just because it's the saddest song you can think of.

Some days you daydream about ways to break your arm so that you don't have to go to work - if you fell from your two-story window you could probably break it without killing yourself.

Some days a friend smiles at you and you turn away to cry because it feels like the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you.

Some days you forget that the PMS you isn't the real you.

Some days writing a Pissy PMS Poem makes you feel a little bit better.

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